The Hidden Costs of People Pleasing: How It Impacts your Mental Health

Gabrielle Shirdon, LPC.
May 3
3 min read

People pleasing is often seen as a benign trait, associated with kindness and empathy. However, beneath this facade lies a complex web of challenges that can significantly impact your mental health and cause anxiety. In this blog, we will explore the hidden costs of people pleasing and how it can affect your emotional well-being.

Understanding People Pleasing and Your Mental Health

People pleasing can be defined as the compulsive need to make others happy, often at the expense of one's own needs and desires. This behavior can stem from various factors, including low self-esteem, fear of rejection, and a strong desire for approval. While it may seem harmless, the long-term effects can be detrimental.

The Psychological Toll of People Pleasing

Increased Anxiety ~Constantly worrying about how others perceive you can lead to heightened levels of anxiety. The fear of disappointing others often results in overthinking and second-guessing your decisions.
Burnout and Exhaustion ~The effort to continuously please others can be emotionally and physically draining. Overcommitting to meet others' needs can lead to burnout, leaving you feeling depleted and overwhelmed.
Resentment and Frustration ~When you consistently prioritize others over yourself, it can breed feelings of resentment. You may start to feel frustrated with those you are trying to please, leading to strained relationships and inner conflict.
Loss of Identity ~People pleasers often lose sight of their own values and desires. By constantly adapting to meet the expectations of others, you may find it difficult to understand who you are and what you truly want.
Physical Symptoms ~ Anxiety doesn't just take an emotional toll but also impacts your physical health. Anxiety causes an increase in heart rate, blood pressure, and stomach problems. Sustained anxiety can lead to chronic illnesses like fibromyalgia.

Impact on Relationships

People pleasing not only affects your mental health but also your relationships. Here are some ways it can manifest: -

Unbalanced Dynamics ~ Relationships may become one-sided, where one person consistently gives while the other takes. This imbalance can lead to feelings of exploitation and dissatisfaction. -
Lack of Authenticity ~ When you are always trying to be what others want, you may struggle to show your true self. This lack of authenticity can create distance in relationships, as others may not fully know or understand you.
Conflict Avoidance ~ People pleasers often avoid conflict to maintain harmony, which can prevent necessary conversations. This avoidance can lead to unresolved issues and lingering tension.

Strategies to Overcome People Pleasing

Set Boundaries ~ Learning to say no is crucial. Establish clear boundaries to protect your time and energy. Remember, it's okay to prioritize your own needs. This is the biggest barrier I see with clients. It creates constant emotional fatigue and resentments in relationships.

Practice Self-Compassion ~ Be kind to yourself. Recognize that it’s impossible to please everyone, and that your worth is not determined by others' opinions.

Reflect on Your Values ~ Spend time understanding what truly matters to you. Align your actions with your values to regain a sense of identity and purpose.

Seek Professional Help ~ If people pleasing is significantly affecting your mental health, consider talking to a therapist. They can provide guidance and support in navigating these patterns.

Conclusion

While the desire to please others can stem from good intentions, the hidden costs of people pleasing can take a toll on your mental health. By recognizing these patterns and implementing strategies to prioritize your well-being, you can foster healthier relationships and a more authentic sense of self. Remember, taking care of yourself is not selfish; it is essential. Ultimately you can't take care of anyone else if you are depleted of your own resources.