Therapy Matchmaking: Tips for Finding the Right Counselor for You

Finding the right therapist is important and can take time. I speak from experience, as I’ve had both helpful and not-so-helpful experiences. Not every therapist is a good fit for every person seeking counseling. The therapist that works for you may not work for your neighbor or coworker.

For example, I once had a therapist who communicated entirely through metaphors that I didn’t understand. I would leave sessions thinking, What just happened? She wasn’t a good fit for me, but she might work perfectly for someone else who connects with metaphors.

The Importance of the Therapeutic Relationship

Ah, the famous “therapeutic relationship.” Have you heard of it? If not, take note—it’s one of the most important catalysts for change.

There’s so much to be learned through the relationship with your therapist. You can:

Practice setting boundaries.

Assert yourself.

Receive honest feedback (the kind your friends might be too afraid to give).

When you learn how to navigate these dynamics in a safe relationship, you’ll be better equipped to apply them in more challenging relationships in your life. Trust me, we all have those!

Red Flags in the Relationship

If your therapist starts acting like a friend, that’s a red flag. Loose boundaries are not what you want in therapy. For instance, I once heard of a therapist who sent Marco Polo video messages about their day and even went to the movies with their client. That’s unprofessional and not for the client’s benefit.

Your therapist should:

Clearly outline their communication policies (e.g., outside-of-session contact, social media, scheduling).

Model healthy boundaries in your relationship.

Pro Tip: A therapist should never engage in a personal or sexual relationship with a client. If that happens, it’s time to leave immediately.

Modality and Theory: Does It Matter?

In therapy, the way a therapist practices is called their "modality," which is based on a specific theory. Here’s the good news: the exact modality isn’t as important as you might think. What matters most is that they follow a structured approach.

For example:

CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy): A well-known and effective approach but not a cure-all.

EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing): Popular for trauma, but not suitable for everyone due to its intensity.

The key is finding a therapist with a variety of tools who can tailor sessions to your needs. Ultimately, you’re in therapy to feel better. Use that as your gauge—if it’s not working, be honest and make adjustments.

Take Advantage of a 15-Minute Consultation

When searching for a therapist, it’s normal to want to know a little about them first. Most therapists offer a free 15-minute consultation. This is a great opportunity to:

Get a feel for their demeanor (e.g., direct, passive, or reflective).

Discuss their experience and approach.

Verify payment methods, insurance, and scheduling availability.

Remember, the fit needs to feel good for both you and the therapist. If they don’t have the right tools to help, a good therapist will happily provide a referral.

To Wrap Things Up

How to find the right therapist? Using these guidelines can reduce the time it takes to find a therapist match. Most importantly, trust your gut. It may take a few sessions to decide if it’s a good fit, and that’s OK.

Even if a therapist isn’t right for you, you’ve learned something from the experience. Don’t give up—there’s always something to be gained from every step in your journey, including finding the right therapist.